Jack: The Crash Test Dummy

Let us continue into my past once more. As none of you know, I lived in Alaska for about 2.5 years of my life. I was a very outdoorsy child back in those years. It was probably because Alaska had much more entertaining activities than Las Vegas.

Alaska

In Alaska, I could make snowmen, go ice skating, swim, climb trees, snowboard down a hill, and all that cool stuff.

Las Vegas

In Las Vegas, we can play "Kick the Cactus", run around through a desert while avoiding snakes and scorpions, and even try taking needles off of cacti. (I ended up with a giant needle going an inch deep into my foot when I tried that. We needed pliers to get them out.)

As you can guess, it was much more fun to be outside in Alaska than it was to be outside in the 110 degree weather of Las Vegas.

The sun down here is like "IMMA F*CK YOU UP CUZ IMMA SUN AND I AM NOT TRYING TO BE SASSY." 

Forget about my stories about the cruel sun, for that is not what the blog is about.

Back while my family was in Alaska, we did a lot of stuff out in the insane wilderness. We lived by a lake and our front yard had a forest in it. Most of the time, my sister and brother would come up with the awesome ideas. Now, a synonym for "awesome" should be "dangerous". Let me explain to you one of their ideas in the best way possible. (A cooking recipe of course!)

Ingredients:

1 Tree house that is 20 feet high

1 Trampoline

1 Window in the tree house large enough to climb out of.

1 Small child

Step 1:

Align the trampoline at the base of the tree house.

Step 2:

Preheat the oven Climb up a tree and get into the the tree house.

Step 3:

Climb out of the window and on to a ledge that is approximately 1 inch wide.

Step 4:

Jump from the tree house (that is level with the roof of your 2 story house) and on to the trampoline.

Now, the product of the recipe wasn't quite figured out yet, but we were pretty sure that it was going to be the best thing ever. Now what we needed was a person to actually preform the actions. My brother and sister both said "NOT IT" and I was trapped. How could I break the rules of not it? Its legally binding!

So they chose their 5 year old younger brother to jump out of the tree house first.

Being 5 years old, I did not quite understand the concept of death yet. If fact, I didn't really understand the concept of extreme pain. So it went a little something like this:

I lived through the next 3 times that my brother and sister made me jump out. Finally, they decided to do it as well.

We had a blast for the next four hours doing this same jump over and over again. It became our favorite thing to do until our mother got really really mad at us. She was furious and she looked similar to that half orc chick that I have previously mentioned.

Us three children got into a routine from that point on. Whenever there was something dangerous to do, they made me do it three times. If I was not dead or seriously injured, they would try it out as well.

This compromise worked very well for us until I realized "Hey, I could die from this!" and stopped.

Ahh... loving childhood memories...